Introducing a Series of 5 articles: Moving From a Romantic Twosome to a Solid Stepcouple and Stepfamily
ARTICLE ONE: THE BEGINNING
ROMANTIC LOVE - A POWERFUL DRUG
Most stepcouples begin their journey in romantic bliss – two lonely, horny people who attach to each other like magnates often while they’re still married to spouses, or after a miserable divorce…whatever. It doesn’t matter. They fall in love. They’re heavily seduced by the feeling. It’s ROMANCE - not based in reality…sorry to say. But it feels wonderful!!
They get married or committed to each, and then they’re no longer just two people in love. It now becomes a GROUP AFFAIR that includes each other’s children, ex-spouses, extended family, family pets and maybe even a baby due soon. It includes schedules, house juggling, sibling and stepsibling rivalry, jealousy, resentment and confusion on everyone’s part.
At this point they all say:
“We’d have the perfect relationship if it weren’t for his (or her) children-or the exes-or the parenting style differences-or the bills …blah, blah, blah” Again it doesn’t matter what it is that irritates; it just does!
They also say: “Look, when the children aren’t around, we talk, have fun, have sex, laugh, go out, dream about the future. But when the children enter the picture, we fight.”
This awareness comes sometime after the honeymoon. Most people believed it wouldn’t happen to them. This is where the rubber hits the road. It’s the beginning of honest stepcoupling and the journey from a romantic twosome to a solid stepcouple and stepfamily. All the research says it takes from 2 to 5 years for stepcouples and stepfamilies to adjust to the point where adults and children feel trusted, cared for and that they belong together.
Read Susan Wisdom’s next 4 blog articles about stepcouples who travel the journey and are able to adjust to the challenges enough to accept the whole package.
FIND OUT HOW THEY DO IT!
By: Susan Wisdom
About the Author:
ROMANTIC LOVE - A POWERFUL DRUG
Most stepcouples begin their journey in romantic bliss – two lonely, horny people who attach to each other like magnates often while they’re still married to spouses, or after a miserable divorce…whatever. It doesn’t matter. They fall in love. They’re heavily seduced by the feeling. It’s ROMANCE - not based in reality…sorry to say. But it feels wonderful!!
They get married or committed to each, and then they’re no longer just two people in love. It now becomes a GROUP AFFAIR that includes each other’s children, ex-spouses, extended family, family pets and maybe even a baby due soon. It includes schedules, house juggling, sibling and stepsibling rivalry, jealousy, resentment and confusion on everyone’s part.
At this point they all say:
“We’d have the perfect relationship if it weren’t for his (or her) children-or the exes-or the parenting style differences-or the bills …blah, blah, blah” Again it doesn’t matter what it is that irritates; it just does!
They also say: “Look, when the children aren’t around, we talk, have fun, have sex, laugh, go out, dream about the future. But when the children enter the picture, we fight.”
This awareness comes sometime after the honeymoon. Most people believed it wouldn’t happen to them. This is where the rubber hits the road. It’s the beginning of honest stepcoupling and the journey from a romantic twosome to a solid stepcouple and stepfamily. All the research says it takes from 2 to 5 years for stepcouples and stepfamilies to adjust to the point where adults and children feel trusted, cared for and that they belong together.
Read Susan Wisdom’s next 4 blog articles about stepcouples who travel the journey and are able to adjust to the challenges enough to accept the whole package.
FIND OUT HOW THEY DO IT!
By: Susan Wisdom
About the Author:
Susan Wisdom, LPC, is author of Stepcoupling: Creating and Sustaining a Strong Marriage in Today’s Blended family.
Susan and her husband have raised 5 children in their successful stepfamily since 1976. She has a counseling practice helping stepcouples understand and deal with the issues common in stepfamilies.
Wisdom believes that the stepcouple is the foundation and glue in the stepfamily.
Susan Wisdom, LPC
http://www.stepcoupling.com