How to Deal With the Conflict With Your Ex Love Partner for a New Making Up Relationship?
How to deal with the conflict with your ex love partner for a new making up relationship?
After separation you need to be able to discuss issues that affect the children without being stuck in old battles. What’s important is how you handle your differences: not that they exist. Sorting out issues is part of everyday life.
There is almost no end to what sparks conflict during separation:
- Differences of opinion.
- Complaints about how agreements/arrangements are carried out.
- Criticism about behaviour/attitude.
- Doing the opposite to what was asked.
Button pressing is where you feel you are being deliberately
aggravated by your ex. This might include:
1. Reading what your ex has said about you in documents that you
believe not to be true.
2. Purchasing things for the children without discussing it with you first.
3. Returning children without their clothes or other items they
left with.
4. Deliberately bringing up past
arguments or differences of opinion.
What should you do if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who is a conflict avoider? Here are some tips that will enable you to encourage the person to work with you toward constructive problem solving, before the irritations turn to significant, relationship-harming issues.
1. Encourage and create opportunities for suggestions and feedback
Individuals who avoid conflict often will not take the initiative to approach you about things that are bothering them. Therefore, create regular times for discussion in which you invite suggestions and feedback.
2. Talk about how feedback helps you
Typically, conflict avoiders are very “nice” people. Therefore, it may be your task to show them see that feedback is a way of helping.
You might say something like this: “One thing that is really helpful to me is when someone plays ‘devil’s advocate’ with my ideas. I really want to hear the other side so that I can sharpen the way that I think about things. Would you help me with that?”
3. Observe a person’s body language and changes in normal patterns
Very often, when something is bothering a conflict avoider, the only place it shows up is in nonverbal behaviour or in changes from the individual’s normal behaviour pattern. For example, if a female colleague been very talkative, then she becomes unusually quiet, something may be going on.
Use this observation as a way to share your concerns in a non-threatening tone. This may be something like, “Jane, I’ve noticed that you became very quiet in that meeting the other day, and you haven’t said much to me since that time. Is there anything that you reacted to there that we need to talk about?”
4. “Normalize” the fact of irritations and conflict
Make statements to the person like, “We all have ways that we disagree at times. That just keeps things interesting. What really matters is how we deal with our conflicts.”
5. Respond positively when the avoidant person risks sharing
Be sensitive to the fact that when people who dislike conflict do speak up, they are taking a risk.
Many have secretly vowed never to speak up again when their comments are met with reactions like, “We already tried that” or even some defensive retort.
6. Prevent problems by not taking this person for granted
An avoidant person is prone to “take and take”, then feel used. He or she may be silent, but may deeply feel unappreciated because of unrequested, unheard opinions or hurt feelings that you don’t even know about. Head off problems by regular communication and sharing of ideas.
Indeed, life is short. Don’t let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.
I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.
Looking for ways to get your ex back? Maybe your situation is not covered in this article?
Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at http://hubpages.com/hub/howshouldiwoomyexback
You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.
By: dhlim88
About the Author:
After separation you need to be able to discuss issues that affect the children without being stuck in old battles. What’s important is how you handle your differences: not that they exist. Sorting out issues is part of everyday life.
There is almost no end to what sparks conflict during separation:
- Differences of opinion.
- Complaints about how agreements/arrangements are carried out.
- Criticism about behaviour/attitude.
- Doing the opposite to what was asked.
Button pressing is where you feel you are being deliberately
aggravated by your ex. This might include:
1. Reading what your ex has said about you in documents that you
believe not to be true.
2. Purchasing things for the children without discussing it with you first.
3. Returning children without their clothes or other items they
left with.
4. Deliberately bringing up past
arguments or differences of opinion.
What should you do if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who is a conflict avoider? Here are some tips that will enable you to encourage the person to work with you toward constructive problem solving, before the irritations turn to significant, relationship-harming issues.
1. Encourage and create opportunities for suggestions and feedback
Individuals who avoid conflict often will not take the initiative to approach you about things that are bothering them. Therefore, create regular times for discussion in which you invite suggestions and feedback.
2. Talk about how feedback helps you
Typically, conflict avoiders are very “nice” people. Therefore, it may be your task to show them see that feedback is a way of helping.
You might say something like this: “One thing that is really helpful to me is when someone plays ‘devil’s advocate’ with my ideas. I really want to hear the other side so that I can sharpen the way that I think about things. Would you help me with that?”
3. Observe a person’s body language and changes in normal patterns
Very often, when something is bothering a conflict avoider, the only place it shows up is in nonverbal behaviour or in changes from the individual’s normal behaviour pattern. For example, if a female colleague been very talkative, then she becomes unusually quiet, something may be going on.
Use this observation as a way to share your concerns in a non-threatening tone. This may be something like, “Jane, I’ve noticed that you became very quiet in that meeting the other day, and you haven’t said much to me since that time. Is there anything that you reacted to there that we need to talk about?”
4. “Normalize” the fact of irritations and conflict
Make statements to the person like, “We all have ways that we disagree at times. That just keeps things interesting. What really matters is how we deal with our conflicts.”
5. Respond positively when the avoidant person risks sharing
Be sensitive to the fact that when people who dislike conflict do speak up, they are taking a risk.
Many have secretly vowed never to speak up again when their comments are met with reactions like, “We already tried that” or even some defensive retort.
6. Prevent problems by not taking this person for granted
An avoidant person is prone to “take and take”, then feel used. He or she may be silent, but may deeply feel unappreciated because of unrequested, unheard opinions or hurt feelings that you don’t even know about. Head off problems by regular communication and sharing of ideas.
Indeed, life is short. Don’t let another day go by without taking a chance on happiness. You will never know until you try, so remember to make a move today. It can change or affect the rest of your life, therefore, at the very least, you can try to come out something for your ex love partner during your weekend plans. With a little practice, perseverance and patience, I believe that your relationship could be enhanced with the tips that I have shared earlier. If you have faced any problems with your loved ones, do not hesitate to visit this piece of article again.
I really have a strong belief that if you can understand what I have explained and applied what you have learnt from this piece of article, your problems can be eventually solved and your making up relationship can become more stable and stronger. I wish all the best for your making up relationship with your partner. Do always remember to spread word of mouth to your fellow friends for supporting the decision of having making up than breaking up.
Looking for ways to get your ex back? Maybe your situation is not covered in this article?
Watch a video that shows you exactly what you must NEVER do, what you should do to get your ex back and why at http://hubpages.com/hub/howshouldiwoomyexback
You will also learn how to reverse the situation if you have already done those things that should NEVER be done.
By: dhlim88
About the Author:
Jim Lim Da Hong, sgtopmarketseller@gmail.com, Freelance SelfEmployed Graduate